After I woke up from the Jehovah’s Witnesses in 2019 I started doing guided meditations because I felt beyond lost and so unsure of my future. Finding my person was at the top of my list of things to figure out. After 5 years of being single I wanted to find him and really do it “right.” I had just spent 2016-2019 back at the Kingdom Hall after tragedy hit in 2016. Looking back, I’m so glad I went back those 3 years after being out for 10 because I finally woke up at 43! Like really woke up. Australian Royal Commission stuff. Lies from the cult leaders under oath stuff. I was DONE, done, done.

I had to muster up the courage, big time to start all over, completely fresh. Feeling broken and lost. I started doing spoken and written meditations. I started daydreaming about a new life. My whole life up until then was one big disaster after the next. The whole time I spent out of the organization from 16-43 sometimes I was in sometimes out, mostly out. The entire 26 years I thought I was messing up my life not doing it Jehovah’s way but, in 2019 I knew it was all culty lies. My time was running out at 43 and I was so ready to get this life and love life thing right. I was wobbly and watery eyed but ready! Just like when you see a baby running. Eeekk! Those little wobbly baby legs of mine, just running!

I’d go to sleep at night imagining myself in a grey V-neck cashmere sweater when I would think about my imaginary Love. I pictured the whole scene. Most times I cried my way through it. It took awhile for me to believe I was worth being loved. I had already written down exactly how he looked and how he’d be. He’d be tall, funny and fun, masculine, loyal, a hard worker, he’d tell the truth, he’d be good at managing his finances, independent, he’d be a Dad, he’d get me, he’d love and adore my daughter and I and he’d be a smart visionary. I wrote down who I’d be too. I knew I had to match his energy so I kept writing and imagining until we met.

So, on that day that we first met in October 2020, he was late. Like, really late. Thank goodness I said 12ish and not 12 or I might have left. I gave him a break. I mean, he did call to tell me about the accident on his street. I wanted to leave but, I didn’t want to humiliate myself waiting. So in my discomfort of waiting there was plenty enough time for me to go to the mall and buy a new hat. It was cold down on the waterfront anyway. The sales lady with my name reversed, Jane Ellen, sold me on a grey cashmere V-neck sweater that I didn’t even bring to the register. I thought I just needed a hat, Jane Ellen sold me. Ha! I put on my new hat & sweater and headed back to the park with patience.

When saw my Love for the first time I started to giggle and then laugh. There he was wearing a grey v-neck sweater too! We laughed together in our matching sweaters. Hello! It was breezy on the water and he had forgotten his coat so I gave him my new hat. We got cozied up and went on a 3 or 4 hour walk. Talking and smiling the whole way. The rest is history. My spoken and written manifestation worked! My mind was whirling and buzzing. It all happened so fast!

I started spoken meditation almost immediately after waking up in the summer of 2019.

I made my first gratitude journal entry for this love adventure October 10, 2020.

I wrote 30 amazing things about me on October 12, 2020.

I met him online, October 16th 2020.

I met him in person on October 24th 2020 it was 13 years to the day since my mom passed from refusing a blood transfusion. There was destiny in the air. I knew she wasn’t a JW anymore, that’s for sure. She’s my angel and my Dad too.

We’ve been together ever since. The manifestation brought us together but, it was coaching that kept us together. He was everything I hoped for and wanted in a partner. He adored me and my daughter differently than I had imagined though. The way he adores us is by the way he believes in us. He’s helped me see my own courageous strength. He loves me for who I am right now and the woman I am becoming. He pushes me in a way that I think it’s my idea. He’s taught me so much about myself.

Of course we had challenges but, the difference was that I was able to navigate my way through it all in a way I had never experienced before. We were unstoppable as we learned and grew together and still are.

Becoming a Certified Life Coach has helped me see my mind better and how my thoughts were creating my entire life thus far. When I thought different thoughts, I had different feelings. When I had different feelings I showed up differently.

Negative thoughts became completely optional and I took control of my future.

I learned how to master my brain and emotions.

From the time before we met until now I’ve kept a journal of the qualities that I love about him. The qualities I continue to love and appreciate about him and every single date we went on until I filled up two journals.

It’s a story of me fighting through the tears and loving myself first.

Believing that I was worthy of being loved.

Of taking wobbly baby running steps and learning as I go. Jumping into the abyss.

Not letting fear or unworthiness hold me prisoner anymore.

And, appreciating exactly what I asked for.

I am so grateful for us.

L&L Forever.