At the root of people pleasing is the feeling of unworthiness and hustling to be good enough. 

This pretty much sums up my entire JW life experience.  Never measuring up.  Trying so hard but never reaching the imaginary man made goal – spiritually strong.  Which weakened me everywhere else.  

Even after I was shunned by the JW’s at 16, I took that people pleasing with me.  Everywhere.  

I was raised poor.  Goodwill shopping for school clothes poor.  Free lunch poor.  Food bank poor.  

So when I got a job in high school at the mall I started spending all my money on clothes. Empty fridge, full closet.  It made me feel … not poor.  But, I was.  No money left for food.  😆 Exactly the opposite of my JW childhood.  I went to the extreme of looking the part of having it all together. 

In an instant I could buy a new outfit and feel so good, so acceptable to other people.  But, when the bills came in the mail…the exact opposite feeling came over me.  I was living a lie.

This feeling of wanting to prove myself with appearance was a big part of my life for a couple of decades. Until I finally learned how to be honest with myself and that helped me manage my money and save half of everything I earn. 

It’s something I constantly have to check in with myself about.  When I make a purchase I just have to make sure I’m calm and in a good space.  Being truthful with myself.  Pausing for a moment.

That short term instant people pleasing had an instant reward.  The long term result was misery.  Now I can be “miserable” in the moment and have long term pleasing of my responsible myself.  And future self.  No more lying to myself and others!  

Where does people pleasing show up in your life?  Relationships? Work? Society?